From the Nickel City
Attorney at Awwww Snap.

Grown up. He/Him/His. ADHD/Depression

Community, Orphan Black, The Simpsons, Game of Thrones, X-Files, Bob's Burgers, Comedy Bang Bang, The Leftovers, Saturday Night Live

Sandman, Harry Potter, Hawkeye, Locke & Key, David Foster Wallace

Buffalo Bills, Buffalo Sabres, Losing big games

I think one thing you can do to help your friends who are depressed is to reach out to them not in the spirit of helping, but in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company. “I’m here to help if you ever need me” is good to know, but hard to act on, especially when you’re in a dark place. Specific, ongoing, pleasure-based invitations are much easier to absorb. “I’m here. Let’s go to the movies. Or stay in and order takeout and watch some dumb TV.” “I’m having a party, it would be really great if you could come for a little while.” Ask them for help with things you know they are good at and like doing, so there is reciprocity and a way for them to contribute. “Will you come over Sunday and help me clear my closet of unfashionable and unflattering items? I trust your eye.” “Will you read this story I wrote and help me fix the dialogue?” “Want to make dinner together? You chop, I’ll assemble.” “I am going glasses shopping and I need another set of eyes.” Remind yourself why you like this person, and in the process, remind them that they are likable and worth your time and interest.

Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”
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#613: How do I reach out to my friends who have depression? | Captain Awkward

P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”

(via startrekrenegades)

Reblogged from mindynovak
Reblogged from fra79x
I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days and thunderstorms. And quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.
- note to self  (via khadlja)

(Source: c0ntemplations)

Reblogged from nudityandnerdery
epicladyrae:

I wasn’t sure if should draw her with long or short hair, but since it was long when she was last seen at the castle i figured that’s how they would know her.
Reblogged from ilanawexler

epicladyrae:

I wasn’t sure if should draw her with long or short hair, but since it was long when she was last seen at the castle i figured that’s how they would know her.

catandkitty:

do you know why feminism has a horrible image?

i’ll let you in on a secret here, it’s because people hate women

Reblogged from you-just-feel-used
lilith-cl:

I fix problem #orphanblack #helena #tatianamaslany #emmys #emmyForMaslany #quotes #cloneclub  (en Emmy Awards)
Reblogged from lilith-cl

lilith-cl:

I fix problem #orphanblack #helena #tatianamaslany #emmys #emmyForMaslany #quotes #cloneclub (en Emmy Awards)

The Garveys At Their Best
Reblogged from theleftoversdaily
The Garveys At Their Best
Reblogged from theleftoversdaily
The Garveys At Their Best
Reblogged from theleftoversdaily
The Garveys At Their Best
Reblogged from theleftoversdaily
The Garveys At Their Best
Reblogged from theleftoversdaily
The Garveys At Their Best
Reblogged from theleftoversdaily
The Garveys At Their Best
Reblogged from theleftoversdaily
The Garveys At Their Best
Reblogged from theleftoversdaily
The Garveys At Their Best

(Source: maliatateds)

karnythia:

gonna-do-not-wanna-do:

theroguefeminist:

elliedoh:

So when Miley Cyrus or Katy Perry bring black girls on stage, dance with them, acknowledge their figures- it’s offensive and appropriating. But, when Nicki Minaj makes an entire video focusing around black girl’s asses and asserts her power, reduces these women to objects and flaunts her authority it’s YAAASSSSS NICKI SERVE IT. Is that because she’s black? So it’s okay for people of the same race to dance with each other but someone who does not share the same levels of melanin enters the picture, they’re doing something wrong? …idgi 

You’re completely ignoring context. In Lily Allen’s Hard out Here video, she literally says, “I don’t shake my ass cause I have a brain” as Black women shake their asses in her video. She is literally degrading the Black women who shake their asses in the media. The song also uses references to Black rappers (i.e. the title of the song referencing the rap song “Hard out Here for a Pimp” and her lyric “bragging ‘bout my cars or talking ‘bout my chains”), suggesting that Black rappers are more sexist than white male musicians (which isn’t true, there’s lots of sexism in all music genres) and also suggest the source of sexism in the music industry is Black people (Black male rappers and twerking Black female dancers).
In contrast, Nicki Minaj is reclaiming a song (Baby Got Back) that was made by a Black male rapper who celebrated (but also objectified) Black female bodies. Throughout her song, Nicki raps like a man would, talking about her sexual conquests with men and the size of their dicks, almost as a way of doing to men what they have done to women (objectifying their dicks as Sir Mix A Lot objectified Black women’s asses and many other men objectify women’s vaginas). She also brags about her sexual prowess and stays in control and aggressive in the video (she goes as far as cutting a banana representing a dick and slapping Drake’s hand away—the video critiques the male gaze). The target of mockery and disparagement in Nicki’s video is men and the male gaze, and the video works to reclaim agency from it.
In what way is Nicki asserting power over her dancers? In her video, she twerks along side her back up dancers and dances with them and interacts with them on the same level. She is just as scantily clad as they are. Lily Allen, however, stays fully covered in her video, does not dance provocatively, and thus contrasts her own pure and respectable femininity with the Black women, using their twerking and scantily clad bodies as an example of “bad” female sexuality and femininity—of women “objectifying themselves.” This is racist because it frames Black female sexuality as lesser than white femininity and antithetical to feminism.
In summary: Nicki’s video is very much a celebration of female Black beauty and sexuality coming from a Black woman. Conversely, Lilly Allen’s is using Black women as props to frame them as a vile or bad form of sexuality or being too sexual to prop up her own feminism.
So you might say, “what about Miley Cyrus? she twerks along side her Black background dancers too!” But here’s the problem: Miley Cyrus continually appropriates Black culture and also uses Black women as props. It does matter that these artists are white because in these cases the point of including the Black women is either to, in Lily Allen’s case, offset Black sexuality/femininity as too sexual or bad in comparison with her white femininity/feminism, or, in the case of Miley Cyrus, to get “street cred” and exotify her own sexuality by appropriating Black culture and using Black people as props to do so. See this analysis of Lily Allen’s Hard Out Here video and this analysis of Miley Cyrus by Black people who know a lot more about this than I do.
I haven’t seen anything about Katy Perry using Black dancers. I’ve just seen criticisms of her appropriating AAVE and other PoC cultures. So I’m not sure why you brought her up, but maybe I just haven’t seen the videos in question.
Either way, it’s not like white artists having a diverse cast of back up dancers is a bad thing automatically. Here is an example of a white artist using back up dancers of other races without objectifying them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ilh1ewceco (notice this artist tackles the same issue as Lily Allen—sexism/objectification in the media—without being misogynist and racist toward other women). But the examples of Lily Allen and Miley Cyrus ARE racist and Nicki Minaj’s video isn’t the same as theirs.

I believe both opinions show good points but I dislike how criticising you are towards Lily Allen. Her song ‘Hard Out Here’ is one of the few songs that advocate the importance of feminism. Quote “don’t need to shake my ass FOR YOU cause I have a brain” implying that she will not shake her ass to please a man. Meaning of a pimp: a man who controls prostitutes and arranges clients for them, taking percentage of their earnings in return. A pimp could be anyone of any race and it looks as if you’re just assuming they are black which if I’m not mistaken, is racist? “
Lily Allen is dressed in tight clothes that society would still look down on, there might be many various reasons as to why she doesn’t want to show off her body due to maybe self esteem issues, you don’t know the reason and tbh if you didn’t see, she was shaking her ass just as much as the others (which weren’t all black, there were various cultures in the group of women). 
When the man comes in to tell them how to twerk, she turns the lyrics around and sings sarcastically about how women should look/do to please men. “If you can’t detect the sarcasm you’re misunderstood.” 
As for Nicki Minaj’s video - I don’t really approve of the whole jungle theme she’s got going on in her video clip that reminds us women could be portrayed as animals.. but otherwise, it is nice to see a woman of demand and who takes control of her life even though the crawling to drake could have looked a little demeaning.

What amazes me here is that all of this was addressed & you assume that your need to defend Lily Allen & disapprove of Nicki Minaj is happening in a vacuum. Way to make theroguefeminist’s point!
Reblogged from karnythia

karnythia:

gonna-do-not-wanna-do:

theroguefeminist:

elliedoh:

So when Miley Cyrus or Katy Perry bring black girls on stage, dance with them, acknowledge their figures- it’s offensive and appropriating. But, when Nicki Minaj makes an entire video focusing around black girl’s asses and asserts her power, reduces these women to objects and flaunts her authority it’s YAAASSSSS NICKI SERVE IT. Is that because she’s black? So it’s okay for people of the same race to dance with each other but someone who does not share the same levels of melanin enters the picture, they’re doing something wrong? …idgi 

You’re completely ignoring context. In Lily Allen’s Hard out Here video, she literally says, “I don’t shake my ass cause I have a brain” as Black women shake their asses in her video. She is literally degrading the Black women who shake their asses in the media. The song also uses references to Black rappers (i.e. the title of the song referencing the rap song “Hard out Here for a Pimp” and her lyric “bragging ‘bout my cars or talking ‘bout my chains”), suggesting that Black rappers are more sexist than white male musicians (which isn’t true, there’s lots of sexism in all music genres) and also suggest the source of sexism in the music industry is Black people (Black male rappers and twerking Black female dancers).

In contrast, Nicki Minaj is reclaiming a song (Baby Got Back) that was made by a Black male rapper who celebrated (but also objectified) Black female bodies. Throughout her song, Nicki raps like a man would, talking about her sexual conquests with men and the size of their dicks, almost as a way of doing to men what they have done to women (objectifying their dicks as Sir Mix A Lot objectified Black women’s asses and many other men objectify women’s vaginas). She also brags about her sexual prowess and stays in control and aggressive in the video (she goes as far as cutting a banana representing a dick and slapping Drake’s hand away—the video critiques the male gaze). The target of mockery and disparagement in Nicki’s video is men and the male gaze, and the video works to reclaim agency from it.

In what way is Nicki asserting power over her dancers? In her video, she twerks along side her back up dancers and dances with them and interacts with them on the same level. She is just as scantily clad as they are. Lily Allen, however, stays fully covered in her video, does not dance provocatively, and thus contrasts her own pure and respectable femininity with the Black women, using their twerking and scantily clad bodies as an example of “bad” female sexuality and femininity—of women “objectifying themselves.” This is racist because it frames Black female sexuality as lesser than white femininity and antithetical to feminism.

In summary: Nicki’s video is very much a celebration of female Black beauty and sexuality coming from a Black woman. Conversely, Lilly Allen’s is using Black women as props to frame them as a vile or bad form of sexuality or being too sexual to prop up her own feminism.

So you might say, “what about Miley Cyrus? she twerks along side her Black background dancers too!” But here’s the problem: Miley Cyrus continually appropriates Black culture and also uses Black women as props. It does matter that these artists are white because in these cases the point of including the Black women is either to, in Lily Allen’s case, offset Black sexuality/femininity as too sexual or bad in comparison with her white femininity/feminism, or, in the case of Miley Cyrus, to get “street cred” and exotify her own sexuality by appropriating Black culture and using Black people as props to do so. See this analysis of Lily Allen’s Hard Out Here video and this analysis of Miley Cyrus by Black people who know a lot more about this than I do.

I haven’t seen anything about Katy Perry using Black dancers. I’ve just seen criticisms of her appropriating AAVE and other PoC cultures. So I’m not sure why you brought her up, but maybe I just haven’t seen the videos in question.

Either way, it’s not like white artists having a diverse cast of back up dancers is a bad thing automatically. Here is an example of a white artist using back up dancers of other races without objectifying them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ilh1ewceco (notice this artist tackles the same issue as Lily Allen—sexism/objectification in the media—without being misogynist and racist toward other women). But the examples of Lily Allen and Miley Cyrus ARE racist and Nicki Minaj’s video isn’t the same as theirs.

I believe both opinions show good points but I dislike how criticising you are towards Lily Allen. Her song ‘Hard Out Here’ is one of the few songs that advocate the importance of feminism. Quote “don’t need to shake my ass FOR YOU cause I have a brain” implying that she will not shake her ass to please a man. Meaning of a pimp: a man who controls prostitutes and arranges clients for them, taking percentage of their earnings in return. A pimp could be anyone of any race and it looks as if you’re just assuming they are black which if I’m not mistaken, is racist? “

Lily Allen is dressed in tight clothes that society would still look down on, there might be many various reasons as to why she doesn’t want to show off her body due to maybe self esteem issues, you don’t know the reason and tbh if you didn’t see, she was shaking her ass just as much as the others (which weren’t all black, there were various cultures in the group of women). 

When the man comes in to tell them how to twerk, she turns the lyrics around and sings sarcastically about how women should look/do to please men. “If you can’t detect the sarcasm you’re misunderstood.” 

As for Nicki Minaj’s video - I don’t really approve of the whole jungle theme she’s got going on in her video clip that reminds us women could be portrayed as animals.. but otherwise, it is nice to see a woman of demand and who takes control of her life even though the crawling to drake could have looked a little demeaning.

What amazes me here is that all of this was addressed & you assume that your need to defend Lily Allen & disapprove of Nicki Minaj is happening in a vacuum. Way to make theroguefeminist’s point!

Reblogged from brbshittoavenge